My daughter stopped by the hospital the night of her court-warming dance so we could see her dressed up. We had learned that day that he had less than two weeks to live but I waited until the next day to tell her.
Being with dad is the reason I relocated to MO: to be with my parents in their last years and days. Being with my dad during his transition was one of the most profound experiences of my life. I am very blessed to be with him in the most spiritual, intimate part of living - his dying, passing from this life to a new life, as he was with me in my birthing. Through his courage, faith, and vulnerability, I experienced some of the greatest fathering of my life.
My sister and I were planning his celebration of his life/family gathering for Saturday, February 26 when dad and I learned on February 12th that he had less than 2 weeks to live without dialysis. He was in so much pain from another infliction that was incurable that he chose to die with grace and not do dialysis. He had been ready for a long time to go be with Jesus and chose not to live a stressful, poor quality life extending him a few months. As it turns out the 26th truly was his day of our family celebration of his life, his funeral. Another one will be in his/my hometown in Iowa on March 4.
I am keeping my goal of completing the film by my dad's birthday, May 21st and launching it for Father's Day. I hope to premier it in Los Angeles on June 15th and plan to do the Canadian premiere in Montreal on June 20th. It will be even more important to me now to honor my father on Father's Day as this is really is his story.
Looking through my mom's amazing geneology books, I found this newspaper clipping. No wonder I'm doing this film.My dad was present at my birth in 1956 and at my five siblings' births, from 1949 to 1970. Long before women were fighting to have their husbands with them my dad was there. His last child was born before it was a popular idea and a fight in the 70's. My father was one of the first men to be impacted by witnessing the violence and trauma inflicted upon his wife and baby and having no way to stop it, and no place and no one with whom to process it. My early primal self, my inner baby, my preverbal self who experienced his presence, his pain, our pain, our separation and union at my birth has known this. I've really just begin to understand myself, my dad, and our family in the making of this film. I wish we'd had longer, of course. I had just gotten to know an aspect of him I'll forever cherish.
For the first year and a half of the filmmaking my dad worried about me driving around the country, back and forth, and just wanted me to get a real job! I am glad my dad recently got to see the intro and the closing of the film, and to see himself in it. He was pretty proud of it, and me, and he did understand the overall multiple focuses of the film, and the magnitude of the film, and he appreciated my accomplishment. I have a strong faith in the spiritual world and with our connections to all things and beings, here and there. I know he's still guiding me and telling his story ... the story of so many men in our culture.
