Preach It!

No one can tell a woman what is best for her and her baby ... waterbirth, homebirth, hospital birth, doctor, midwife, Unassisted Childbirth (UC) or cesarean surgery ... it is for her and her baby to know. The best we can do is support her to access, trust, and know her own inner wisdom and communicate with the Being within her - the One whose birth it is through her womb and the man. - Janel Mirendah, Attachment/Birth trauma therapist, Filmmaker of The Other Side of the Glass.

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Monday, October 20, 2008

Thoughts on Abortion

My response to a post on the YouTube comment section:

These abuses are "normalized" because we kill 4,400 babies a day through a legal surgical procedure called abortion. A good amount of these doctors deliver a baby one day and then kill a baby then next in an abortion. How could we possibly expect them to have regard for life, let alone quality of ones life as it begins outside the womb. They are killing them in the womb. which is supposed to be the safest place on earth. Imagine how the millions of fathers whose babies have been killed feel.

I just spoke with a man whose baby was aborted against his wishes. It's horrible. Men's reactions will range from apathy to devastation. The problem as I see abortion is that it is so much bigger than is currently recognized by society. It is one either-or. It is multi-faceted and represents many dysfunctions of our collective.

Our society doesn't support the primal period of life, for baby or men and women, but bi-polarizes everything. Either we are are "FOR" or "AGAINST" something without regard for the diverse range of humanity, without regard for a simple spiritual truth: Every soul is responsible for it's choices and connection to God, Spirit, or whatever that person percieves. God is that big, I think.

I don't know anyone who is really for killing a prenate, but many who are against abortion, for themselves, and in theory, do believe it's a woman's right and especially so in a few circumstances. I believe abortion is like midwifery -- it should never have been illegal. It's like the Iraq "Conflict" (it's not a war, ya know). It should have never happened. So? These things all happened, and now we have to fix them. The answers are not in the bi-polar shadows of society. The answers are in exploring beyond the edges of the boxes we have closed ourselves in.

I came to my opinions, like we all do -- via my personal experience. My soul's experience, in this body and separated from the Source through my humanity.

I had my first child at age 18; I was unmarried when I conceived him in the summer of 1974, just before my senior year of high school. This forms my beliefs and every aspect of who I am today. At that point, pregnant, there is NO easy answer. I was allowed by my family to chose my "poison" -- that which I could live with with the expectation of marriage. I was not forced to do anything. My concern about the pro-right movement is that it doesn't give girls or women their choice. Does Sarah Palin's daughter have a real choice? Would she have preferred to raise her baby as a single mother until she matures and falls in love and chooses the journey of marriage with another human? Would she feel her baby would have a better life with another family?

For every pregnancy, there are four options and each have lifelong consequences. Keep the baby, abort the baby (whether a doctor does it or herbs or activity or willing are used), give the baby away, and for the unmarried the additional choice that is not so enforced today, marry the father. Each decision has profound ripples through one's life. I came to believe once one engages in sexual activity (for me it was three months), one must be willing to face life-altering, life-long consequences. None of the choices are good when one is unprepared to be a parent.

I came to believe strongly, because of my experience and my professional work in a multidude of services serving women and children, that a human being, a baby, a soul, has rights to be born into a family, to a couple, who is emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially ready to care for that soul. That soul will live with the consequences of the egg and the sperm and the professional who attends his or her physical birth. I came to believe that the soul chooses the life, the family, the lessons -- how else to reconcile the horrid situations I have seen in my professional work? That we hear about in the news? How else to reconcile the inconsistencies, the disparity into which souls are born -- some pristine, some horrid?

The paternal grandfather suggested abortion. Truthfully, I didn't even know what it was at first. It was not an option for me. I was horrified. I loved this being the moment I knew about him. I personally can not imagine being able to live with aborting him nor could I have lived with giving him up for adoption. I have known women who were forced to do one of those, and women who chose to. For some women it continued to be the best choice for them. Who am I to judge?

I chose to marry too young to a young boy who felt he had no choice, then I chose to divorce him, and to live with those consequences. His life was never the same. We/I have a wonderful son who defies the stereotypes of being born to a teenager, and he has just welcomed a son -- after nine years of marriage he planned and welcomed a child into their lives.

We have had many, many rough years ... I breastfed him and practiced "attachment parenting" before it was cool and had a name. He went through college with me and grew up as I grew up. He has been through step-parent situations that wounded him. He made me rise up and live life to the best of my ability, but it wasn't often good enough, although for any mother we must believe on any particular day that we are doing the best we can. It was hard, but becoming a mother responsible for another soul at age 17 was the best option for me.

And, that is exactly how I embraced it. I saw this baby coming into my life as a soul who has his own journey. How I knew that then, I don't know, but it is the foundation for my work today. My four children are souls who came through me to do what they came to this planet to do and learn. I know women whose journey is not in motherhood or parenting the baby/soul but having aborted them, they still have a relationship and a journey.

I wonder, did that soul come to them knowing that it would be aborted? What about the soul that comes knowing it is unwanted by the mother and will never be welcomed, never truly feeeeeel loved, but will born? What about that soul's life long struggle in a society who does see birth as sacred or the baby as a fully present being, a soul coming from Spirit. Or, what about the soul who will be born to a young, poor woman with four children already. Does this soul know before it gets here what this is journey is about? I believe so.

I believe my son who is a soldier and who has been in Iraq and Afghanistan made HIS choice to come to a mother who is an advocate for peace and a father who was a conscientious objector for pretty darned good reasons. He chose parents capable of nurturing, and financial and emotional care, and where he was wanted, cared for, breastfed, and experienced "attachment parenting" before it had a name. I believe he did so for the balance he would need, for the leadership style he would adopt, and for the beliefs he would hold while engaging in war as part of his soul contract. He began his journey at age five when he called himself GI Joe -- with neither the military glorified or reviled. Nothing else makes sense to me except that he chose us for a reason. Preconceptionally, I was aware of his presence and that he was coming in for over a year. There is much about this pre-conception communication on I read Hillman's Soul's Code when my son was a teenager and it contributed to my existing beliefs, so that I was able to sign the papers for my son to go to the military. I considered and still do, an act of love, to honor his soul's purpose. Sure, my mother self was in denial about the future -- which came to be. Some people when they abort the unborn soul in their womb also feel it is an act of love, as do some who give their baby up for adoption.

What I do know is that our society does not provide the resources before, during, and after pregnancy regardless of the decision, but especially when abortion and adoption are the choice. Babies, souls, are taken from the womb, without an opportunity for grieving and saying good-bye, and without closure with the woman who brought them into the world. There is a whole field of study within pre and perinatal psychology about the wounding of the adopted baby.

I feel strongly that our society must continue to give women the right to choose how to proceed with the pregnancy she concieved. I am "pro-life/against abortion (if I must be labeled) ... for me, and being such an advocate for the human baby, I feel it must be a horrible decision to make. I am pro-right because I want the right to choose. There was a time when I would have considered abortion. Fortunately, I didn't have to. I also feel that we can not kill a soul, and so it is between that woman, that soul, and the father.

I feel men are left out of the equation. I don't have answers. I can only do the best in my own life -- I "lectured" my sons often about their responsibility & the lifelong impact they'll have to live with because the woman will have full rights to decision-making. I was as concerned about their sexual behavior, reproductive responsibilities, and the life-long consequences as I was/am my two daughters.

I want my daughter to value human life. She is on this journey with me ... filming people in the film. She knows the importance of CONSCIOUS CONCEPTION, the importance of welcoming a soul, being prepared to be totally responsible for a human being. She is loved, touched, and honore and knows her body is her temple, that she is a temple. Will it prevent her from sexual activity? Will it prevent her from unwanted pregnancy? Is she as fertile as me? Will her abandonment by her father manifest in sexual activity? I do proactive education and prevention with my teenage daughter. I could not bear the thought of her unable to talk to me, going off by herself to have an abortion. We have that law because of the profound number of girls who are victims of incest and impregnanted by an adult male relative, but we don't provide the necessary care for these young girls. Our society condones "Random Conception."

Related, I also just read interesting article, "Conception by Deception" Why Women Get Away With "Accidentally" getting pregnant -- If a man tried to pull the same manipulative stunt, he'd be bobbitted.

Going beyond abortion as murder and abortion as a woman's right to her body (while she has diluted rights during birth), when we consider that the soul is present before conception we can begin to treat prenates and neonates with regard and see that actions that create another life need to be honored.

When we have a social, spiritual, and political will to honor that the human being is sacred over money and power, we will expect and support CONSCIOUS CONCEPTION rather than the multitude of socially acceptable beliefs that support "Random conception." Our financial budgets will go to create health and wellness from the beginning of life (conception through breastfeeding) as the foundation for health and wellness. The medical establishment is in charge from abortion to death.

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Buy It!

Part One: The Other Side of the Glass: a Birth Film for and About Men officially released in digital download format on June 2, 2013. Go to to purchase a digital download.

Men have been marginalized in birth for a long time. The old joke is that a man was sent off to boil water to keep him busy. I believe they were making the environment safe. Birth moved to hospitals and for forty years women were separated from their partners who was left to wait in smoke filled waiting room. Finally, he would see his baby from "the other side of the glass." Now a man can go in the birthing room and even get to hold his partner's hand during surgery. But they are still marginalized and powerless, according to the fathers I interviewed around the country.

Historically, birth has been defined by the medical establishment. The midwifery and natural birth movement now advocate for need "to educate and prepare men to protect their wife and baby" in medical environment. Seems logical ... if we process with the same illogic that got us here.

Through the voices of men - and doctors and midwives - men share heart-touching stories about how this is not workin' out. A man is also very likely to be disempowered and prevented from connecting with their newborn baby in the first minutes of life.

Now is the time for men to take back birth.

The film is about restoring our families, society, and world through birthing wanted, loved, protected, and nurtured males (and females, of course). It's about empowering males to support the females to birth humanity safely, lovingly, and consciously.

Donors, check your emails or email me at for info to download. Release on DVD is not planned at this date.

FREE online! watch Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 10 at

"Doctor's Voices" - Stuart Fischbein, MD - Part 1

Doctor's Voices - Michael Odent, MD

Human Rights Violations

Resources - Healing Birth Trauma

"The Other Side of the Glass" has the potential to open up feelings that have been denied and ignored for a very long time. How to heal the trauma of birth at any age will be addressed in the film. Meanwhile, these are pioneers in the field.

Raymond Castellino and Mary Jackson -

David Chamberlain, Ph.D. -

Judith Cohen -

Myrna Martin -

Karen Melton -

Wendy McCord, Ph.D. -

Wendy McCarty, Ph.D. -

And, many, many more all over the world at
In both relationships and life trust begets trust.
Generosity begets generosity.
Love begets love.
Be the spark, especially when it's dark.

--Note from the Universe,

"Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so children have very little time with their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of the peace of the world." - Mother Theresa